Q. To make a booking, should I just text "hi" or "hey how r u?" or "avail?"
A. Well, no, that's not a good idea, those are things a wanker does, so you don't want to get lumped in with them. I'm often inundated with requests, especially when I turn my phone on at 11am, so I book the people that give me the pertinent info first, then those that gave me only partial info eg those asking if I'm available "today" vs "early afternoon". Usually "hi's" are people mistaking me for a chat line.
Q. What information do I need to provide, in order to secure my desired spot?
A. That's easy, I just need to know 3 things:
1) your first name,
2) the day/time you'd like to book
3) the session you'd like. Ie a 1hr, 1.5hr, 2 hr or 3 hr session (see my rates page for details).
Q. Do you offer other services that are not mentioned here?
A. No, and I do not offer oral, BJ's, kissing, sex or groping, this is a non-interactive experience.
Q. Are you a registered RMT so I can claim this as a medical expense through my work or on my taxes?
A. Alas no, I am not, and no sensual massage is ever covered by insurance.
Booking a session.
Q. What types of payment do you currently accept?
A. I accept cash, Visa, Mastercard, Debit and email transfers to my email email@example.com!
Q. Do you accept pre-paid Visa/gift cards?
A. Yes but I do charge a $5 fee/per card to offset the fees I get charged.
Q. If I use my credit card, will "Lucys Massage" come up on my statement?
A. No, only the initials of my corporation will display on your receipt and on your statement.
Q. What is your USD daily exchange rate?
A. I recommend using Visa, Mastercard or Debit/Interact, which will ensure you get the daily rate!
Q. Why don't you give a daily rate for USD?
A. Rates change and also I can't deposit foreign currency through an ATM. But I am willing to accept it at PAR to offset the time I spend lining up in a bank, to exchange it for you...?
Q. If I cancel my appointment last minute or don't bother to cancel at all, are there any repercussions?
A. Yes, last minute cancellations (less than 1 hour) or no shows are required to pay in advance in future, by e-transfer to my email.
Q. If I have a good reason for standing you up, will it help if I call/text to explain and apologize?
A. Yes! If you show me the courtesy, I will only ask for $50 up front towards your next appointment, and I will forgive you 100%! (If you are a regular, who hasn't made a habit of it, then I am likely to waive the $50 advance fee.)
Q. I didn't cancel and missed our scheduled appointment so I would like to pay your fee, how do you accept payment? Can I just pay you cash, when I finally do show up for a session?
A. No, regretfully, payment of this fee is necessary to reinstate your booking privileges. I accept paypal or email money transfers sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. Failure to pay in advance means you are banned from using my service in future.
Q. What type of oil do you use for the massage?
A. I use high quality unscented MCT oil (Coconut/palm oil blend), which I keep in oil warmers beside the bed, that keep it at a perfect temperature!
Q. Will the oil wash off easily?
A. Yes it is fractionated so that it absorbs into your skin and the excess washes off easily, without clogging pores!
Q. If I don't want to shower, how else can I get the oil off?
A. I can bring steaming hot towels to remove the majority from your skin, but be aware that any excess may mark fine fabrics, especially if washed in cold water. Ie if you're wearing a suit or going to a business dinner after... a shower may be warranted.
Q. Will I be covered with a towel during my massage?
A. Usually not but you can choose to be covered, and/or please let me know if you're not 100% comfortable so I can fix it immediately!
Q. I have many allergies, would you please list all the products you use?
A. You bet! The products I use are:
-"New Directions" MCT coconut/palm oil for massaging you.
-Bleach and Pine Sol for cleaning everything, including the oil bottles and warmers, between clients.
-Softsoap or London Drugs brand cream hand soap for scrubbing you down afterwards.
-I don't usually wear perfume but lately I may use a light body spray.
-I don't have cats or dogs. and I don't smoke.