Q. What type of oil do you use for the massage?
A. I use high quality unscented coconut oil, which I keep in oil warmers, that keeps it at a perfect temperature!
Q. Will the oil wash off easily?
A. Yes it is fractionated so that it absorbs into your skin and the excess washes off easily, without clogging pores!
Q. If I don't want to shower, how else can I get the oil off?
A. I can bring steaming hot towels to remove the majority from your skin, but be aware that any excess may mark fine fabrics, especially if washed in cold water. Ie if you're wearing a suit or going to a business dinner after... a shower may be warranted.
Q. Will I be covered with a towel during my massage?
A. You can choose to be covered, and/or please let me know if you're not 100% comfortable so I can fix it immediately!
Q. What types of payment do you currently accept?
A. I accept cash, Visa, Mastercard, Debit and email transfers to my email firstname.lastname@example.org!
(I do charge a $5 fee/per for pre-paid Visas and gift cards to offset the fees I get charged, so buy ones in a larger denomination to save yourself a higher penalty.)
Q. If I use my credit card, what comes up on my statement?
A. LMS Holdings displays. And if someone curious were to google that, there are many, so it won't point to me.
Q. What is your USD daily exchange rate?
A. I recommend using Visa, Mastercard or Debit/Interact, which will ensure you get the daily rate!
Or there is a currency exchange in the Bay Center, that you will pass as you walk up from the harbour.
Q. Why don't you give a daily rate for USD? Can't you google it and use a calculator to figure it out?
A. No, but, like McDonalds does, I'll accept it at PAR. (It's not our currency.)
Booking a session.
Established in Victoria since January 1999!
Q. To make a booking, should I just text "hi" or "hey how r u?" or "avail?"
A. Well, no, that's not a good idea, those are things a wanker does, so you don't want to get lumped in with them. I'm often inundated with requests, especially when I turn my phone on at 11am, so I book the people that give me the pertinent info first, then those that gave me only partial info eg those asking if I'm available "today" vs "early afternoon". Usually "hi's" are people mistaking me for a chat line.
Q. What information do I need to provide, in order to secure my desired spot?
A. That's easy, I just need to know 3 things:
1) your first name,
2) the day/time you'd like to book
3) the session you'd like. Ie a 1hr, 1.5hr, 2 hr or 3 hr session (see my rates page for details).
Q. Do you offer other services that are not mentioned here?
A. No, I do not offer oral, BJ's, kissing, sex or fondling, this is a non-interactive experience!
Q. Are you a registered RMT so I can claim this as a medical expense on my taxes?
A. Alas no, I am not, but I do have a business licence
Q. If I cancel my appointment last minute or don't bother to cancel at all, are there any repercussions?
A. Yes, I charge a $50 fee for all last minute cancellations (less than 1 hour). In the event you don't show up, your appointment will not be re-booked until this fee is paid.
Q. If I have a good reason for standing you up, will it help if I call/text to explain and apologize?
A. Yes! If you show me the courtesy, I will gladly hold the $50 as credit towards any of my services, and I will forgive you 100%! (If you are a regular, who hasn't made a habit of it, then I am more likely to waive the $50 fee.)
Q. I didn't cancel and missed our scheduled appointment so I would like to pay your fee, how do you accept payment? Can I just pay you cash, when I finally do show up for a session?
A. No, regretfully, payment of this fee is is necessary to reinstate your booking privileges. I accept paypal or email money transfers sent to email@example.com. Failure to pay means you are banned from using my service in future.
Q. I have many allergies, would you please list all the products you use?
A. You bet! The products I use are:
-"New Directions" fractionated coconut oil for massaging you.
-"Kirkland" disinfecting wipes for cleaning the oil bottles and warmers between clients.
-London Drugs brand cream hand soap for scrubbing you down afterwards.
-I don't usually wear perfume but lately I may use a light body spray.